Well, I wasn’t entirely defeated by my foray into learning to use the Thesis Theme last night. I did get it installed on all five of my sites, after all, which is no small feat considering that I’ve only recently started working with WordPress.org and self-hosting, and this theme requires more than the typical installation.
But… when I activated the theme on one of my blogs, I hit a wall. Not a wall of understanding – I found the help sites and began to dig around to find what I needed (plus, my background in web design, though long out of date, always comes to my aid in such circumstances). No, the wall I banged smack dab into had nothing to do with figuring out how to use the theme – it was all about me going completely blank as to what I wanted to do with my layout.
It may not sound like a big deal, but it’s very frustrating to me… and it touches on an insecurity I struggle with regularly: wondering if I have anything creative or original to offer. Sure, I can develop the technical skills, and when presented with an idea I can run with and develop it… but when I have to come up with something original – a plot, a design – I’m paralyzed, a deer in the headlights.
I’m not sure where I’m going to go from here. Maybe I’ll wait until I’m in a better frame of mind and tackle it then. I do know, though, that I’m not giving up just yet! Sorry, Thesis, but you haven’t beaten me.