Taking these classes has really sparked something in me that’s stirring up a cauldron of mixed emotions. This whole process excites me in that I feel as though I’m being given a wealth of tools and resources – everything I could possibly need to become far better at something I’m already doing and loving. At the same time, though, I’m frustrated… because it seems as though what I really, truly want to do is just out of reach, and I’m not sure how to break past that barrier.
I’m not afraid of hard work. I’m not afraid of learning new things, of growing, even of being humbled by stumbling if it means I’ll move forward towards betterment. I don’t need or want to be rich. I only want to be able to pay my bills, stay out of debt, and have a little bit left over to share with others and enjoy my life. And I want to have the time to enjoy that life.
I know that given the right idea, a solid foundation, I could build on it and make it my own. I know I could do it. But it’s that “right idea” that continues to elude me, scuttling around the corner out of my view every time I think it might be close enough to grasp.
Maybe I need to stop trying so hard to figure it all out and just keep growing in what I’m already doing. Maybe if I ease up on the pressure, my mind will relax into a solution instead of tying itself up in knots trying to make everything right.
Guess I’ll give that a shot. What have I got to lose?