Most of my day was spent on holiday-related pursuits – listening to Christmas music, shopping for gifts, enjoying a gingerbread latte, wrapping presents… that sort of seasonal goodness. I was happy and busy… yet it was bittersweet, for punctuating my joy were flashes of grief as my thoughts kept returning to the many, many families who lost loved ones yesterday in the horrific events in Newtown, Connecticut.
Each time I found myself humming along with a Christmas tune, I stopped short when I realized that for some, songs that once inspired feelings of warmth or festivity will now be nothing more than wrenching reminders of tragedy.
Each time I purchased a gift for one of my loved ones, I reflected on the gifts bought by others with love and anticipation of delight that, now, will never be excitedly unwrapped by the intended recipient.
Each time I heard a small child laughing or crying or cajoling their parents for some treat or other, my heart ached to think of the parents who would never again hear their beloved child laughing, or crying, or cajoling.
I am sad. I am angry. I am mourning.
And I am filled with wishful thinking. I wish I could make sense of why anyone would be possessed to carry out such a horrific act. I wish I could find a solution, an answer, a fix… whatever it would take to stop this sort of thing from ever happening again. I wish I could turn back time for every one of those families, so that Christmas would once again be a time of joy instead of mourning.
I wish.
Yet I can do nothing.
I understand that feeling of helplessness. I can’t stop crying, though I know some of this is selfish tears for my own losses this year. I keep telling myself to breathe, to treasure every moment, to cherish every loved one. And I muster up every bit of healing energy I can direct their way. May those families find comfort, love, and strength surrounding them from all of us.
Twitter: alphabetsalad
December 16, 2012
Perfectly said, Becky… thank you. And I am so, so very sorry for the losses you experienced this year. *hugs*
Laurel Regan recently posted… Sunday Summary – Photo A Day December, Week 3
I too feel mixed. was shopping and Christmas music just is hitting too hard.
sandra tyler recently posted… Alpha -Thursday: D is for Damn
Twitter: alphabetsalad
December 16, 2012
Yes. 🙁
Laurel Regan recently posted… Sunday Summary – Photo A Day December, Week 3
Twitter: lieslgarner
December 16, 2012
We are also torn up – as I’m sure every family is right now. We were decorating yesterday, and watching a classic Christmas movie with our little boys. By the time they were asleep, we watched a CBS Special to learn more, and sobbed our way through it. There are many hero stories, and that is one way I am trying to focus. Like Mr. Rogers said, Look for the Helpers.
Liesl Garner recently posted… Robert Parker, dad of Sandy Hook Victim, Emily Parker, on Compassion
Twitter: alphabetsalad
December 16, 2012
That is definitely something we can do. Thank you.
Laurel Regan recently posted… Sunday Summary – Photo A Day December, Week 3
Thank you. The words and acts of kindness have meant everything to my family and me.
Becky recently posted… Our hearts are breaking
Twitter: alphabetsalad
December 16, 2012
I’m glad you’ve had that.
Laurel Regan recently posted… Sunday Summary – Photo A Day December, Week 3
Trackbacks: