I‘ve been stewing about something for quite some time now – a couple of months, at least. Oh, I haven’t been thinking about it every minute of every day – but it’s always there in the back of my mind, nagging at me, reminding me that I need to deal with it and make a decision already. So this week, finally, I did.
I have decided NOT to attend BlogHer ’15 this summer.
This may not sound like a big thing to you, but it is momentous for me. See, I’ve managed to find the money to attend the conferences for the past three years, and was greatly anticipating this next one (especially since it’s going to be held in one of my favourite places, New York City). And short of buying my ticket and booking a hotel room, I’d committed to going – to my roommate, to other friends, and to myself.
But 2014 was a very expensive year for us. If you’ve been following Alphabet Salad for awhile you might remember that over the past months we made some large (to us) household purchases… we had some unexpected expenses… I took a costly flight to San Jose for BlogHer ’14… and, perhaps most importantly, I didn’t receive a significant sum of money that (based on precedent) I’d both expected and counted on. All of this added up to the knowledge that funding my attendance at BlogHer ’15 was unlikely, if not impossible… yet I’ve been reluctant to admit it to myself and make the final call.
But the deadline for early bird conference tickets is fast approaching, the hotel block isn’t going to last forever, and the last thing I want to do is to leave my roommate in the lurch by springing the news on her when it would be too late for her to make other plans… so I knew that I needed to bite the bullet and make a final decision, NOW.
And so I did. And I’m not going to go.
I’m struggling with disappointment, feelings of failure, and the knowledge that I’ll be missing an opportunity to make connections that will help me take my blog to the next level. I’m heartbroken that I won’t be able to spend time with my lovely roommate for the fourth year in a row, or catch up with all the friends I’ve made at previous conferences. And I’m already feeling left out because I won’t be there to take part in what promises to be an amazing event.
I know that I’ve made the right decision.
But that doesn’t make it any easier to handle.
Have you had to make a similar decision?